i need a library card, or a second-hand bookshop.

the only book that i found on the bookshelf here that looked remotely interesting (as in not a book by jeffrey archer or some horrible chick lit thing) is the return of merlin by deepak chopra. i'm only a few pages in, but i'm already unsure as to whether or not i will continue reading it based on these things:

"This version, The Return of Merlin, is about waking up the wizard that sleeps deep within all of us, so that we can reclaim the field of pure knowledge and dream a new world into reality, from the purity of our hearts."

and

"As you read this book, I hope you will see in the characters of...the different roles you play as your soul sleeps in beams of light."

i didn't exactly get any further into the introduction than that, i just sort of wanted to start banging my head on the wall. the main idea of the book, according to the cover, seems to be that "we can change our world" which is all well and good, but why does everything have to feel so trite all the time?

it's like the alchemist, by paulo coelho. i read it twice straight through when i arrived in nelson (it's short, it's easy to do) and while i did like it, i did get annoyed the second time around with the whole "personal legend" bit. i mean, it's good, you need to do what you think you need to do, but it got to be a little much for me. you have to have a book tell you to "follow your dreams"? (or that "you can change the world"?) really?

i think this goes hand in hand with a problem i've been having. (i apologize if you have already been subjected to this train of thought, it happens to be on my mind often.) a lot of people (a LOT of people) back in the states make comments to me along the lines of "wow, you are so lucky, i wish i could do that but i have x excuse." it's so incredibely frustrating because it happens nearly every single time that someone else finds out i am living in new zealand. i have met so many people while travelling who could have used these same excuses to just sit at home and not go, but they found a way around it. two of my good friends that i met here left long-term boyfriends at home to come, others had given up relationships. i've met people who have given up good jobs, apartments and houses, and all manner of things to do something they really and truly wanted to do. there was an irish couple who were renting out their house and travelling with two sons under the age of five for several months. how easy do you think that was to sort out?

as for myself, half of the money i used to come here was earned by working 14-ish hour days, seven days a week, for nearly ten weeks canning salmon. that wasn't exactly the easiest thing i've ever done but it was worth it. basically what it comes down to is, i'm tired of hearing people's excuses. if it's something that people truly want to do, "where there's a will, there's a way." i think what it comes done to genuinely is that people are afraid. another thing i hear often is that i'm "so brave" to go away for a year on my own. i don't think anything of it, it's not at all something that ever crossed my mind, but it speaks volumes on other people's points of views. yes, sometimes i am outside of my comfort zone, but does it bother me? not really, not anymore. i wanted to do something, and i found a way to make it happen. that's all, that's what it comes down to. and i didn't need any book to tell me to "follow my dreams" or "personal legend" either.