this loneliness is killing me...

i miss school. and we have really slow internet here.

me no wanna

i don't think i want to graduate.

i need a "grr" face

i feel like when i think things are stressful enough, and i think that it can't get worse, they do. my mom emailed me today to tell me my uncle died on sunday. (and i just found out?) the circumstances of his death and the way my family seems to not want to get over it's problems even in this is just making it worse. actually, i think the family thing is making me more upset. do i even need to claim them as family? *sigh*

the funeral is on thursday, and while i might not go to that i'll probably end up at the burial. it'll probably supercede all other thursday night plans, so i apologize in advance. i'm not much in the mood for socializing currently, anyway.

i'm just glad that my class is almost over.

and i guess there is some happy news, leslie might perhaps buy one of my prints...if i put them online so she can look at them again. *rolls eyes* plus, i got to see a picture of erika's baby, and that made me really excited.

i'm going to quit school and join a band of gypsies...

today april massaged, or rather, attacked all of the knots in my back and shoulders. of which i am sure there were many. and they were gone. but after spending four hours in the computer lab on this horrible project, they are back with a vengeance.

i wanna party with youuuu!

i can't believe that this has been my last week as a college student. at least it's been fun, even walking home in the rain. of course, doing homework kind of ruins it.

friday night

me and issac

scooter and manzo

kirsten

me, matt, kirsten

derek

erika and me

it's my last weekend at cornell. i think i might cry. or not really, not yet.

i hate jerks.

i'm still tired.

to sleep, perchance to dream.

i said that i would go to sleep, since i still do have mono and didn't get much sleep last night. however, i wanted first to share this wonderful picture of one of my little sisters. it's from the birthday party on saturday, and it sort of goes along with my post saying how wonderful she is. because she is, and i will miss her.

you should also go to laura's blog to see a picture of us in a canoe. we actually do know how to work those things, despite all appearances.

now it's time for me to sleep and dream wonderful dreams of babies (friends', not my own) and life where i have a job. preferably as a photographer. in london.

hey, wanna throw up get me naked

i found my minus the bear/denali cd today and it made me sad again that they (denali) broke up. i should get over that, really.

last night was rhoze formal, and even though it was camping which meant i smelled like smoke and got ashes in my eyes, it was fun and i liked hanging out with april. we just sat and talked for a little while after everyone else wimped out and went to bed, and then we played california speed and nerts with people. it was all in all a good time, but because we were sleeping in these cabins, i thought i was going to sweat to death. plus, everytime anyone moved, the mattresses made all this noise. i didn't get much sleep. i took some pictures on laura's camera, but i don't know what happened to them. perhaps she'll post them sometime. *hint hint* plus, i'm still trying to get those pictures from the british museum off of the main page so that it doesn't take five years to load.

i'm supposed to be writing this paper about a poem mary robinson wrote called "to the poet coleridge." it's basically her responding to his kubla kahn. it's not a very interesting paper. in fact, it's so uninteresting i don't even want to write it. instead, i've pruned laura's roses in an attempt to be horticultural and NOT kill a plant, and i fixed her scissors after i broke them trying to prune the roses. basically, i was somewhat handy today.

i also watched the charmed two hour season finale. it was about an hour longer than i really wanted it to be, but it finished things up kind of nicely, i suppose. now i'm kinda sad i missed last week's new episode...but not really.

alias is back on next week, i think.

this post is to tell everyone how great michele is. and i have not been coerced, only pestered. ; )

senior news bulletin

kate is going to teach english in france next year. hooray for kate! perhaps i will go visit her there...

and the hilarity ensued

this morning when i woke up, i was so tired i left my room without brushing my hair. but i drank a mug of tea, and now i'm pretty much hyper, which is bad, but still.

so i went to class, and michelle is about as tired as the rest of us, so we spent the morning in groups deciding how to perform the various poems we read for today, and then performing them. some of them were kind of lame, just people reading them, but a couple of groups had fun with it.

we had "hymn to intellectual beauty" which you can read here. (i always want to call p. b. shelley p. b. jelly, hehe!) anyway, so christine read the poem, while lauren read lines of importance or with emphasis on them with her, and i did sort of this dramatic interperative performance. it was pretty silly, and there were a few stanzas were i just stood there, but there is one line that is "i shrieked, and clasped my hands in ecstasy!" and so i shrieked and clapped my hands. everyone laughed, which was kind of the point, so it was fun.

anyway, after us was don and kate with "when i have fears that i may cease to be" by keats. they were doing a sock puppet performance in the doorway (which was hilARious!) and rich came in and said something about not wanting to hear it in his class. i don't know. but we all laughed some more. i think that someone put something in our room that made us all giddy, because we were all like that today. then michelle said something about it being more effective than paxil. you know, that whole hour of my life just sort of blurs into one giant laughing session. i think it was what i needed, i feel better, and this evening i get to see christy, so it's all looking good.

the surreal life

somedays i feel like i live in a salvador dalí painting.

go me!

i just emailed the beach to tell faithann that i can't make it on saturday, nor can i make it on the 25th. i explained to her why, and such. i feel better that i've kinda sorta stood up for myself even though i'm not sure that's what i've really done, i probably just got myself fired. (not that i'm sad about that.)

maybe it's just a sense of accomplishment. i've gotten about six things crossed off of my list today.

tonight is english department awards night. i'm reading my haiku as well as my departmental duties as the official photographer person. here's my haiku that didn't make it into open field:

...

it is true that beer

loosens the tongue, but it

sure tightens the brain.

BOOO!

i am the queen of procrastination. it's 8 p.m. and i have yet to start my 14-page wordsworth reading that also happens to have 12,430 commas in the first five lines. i also have a reading by some lady to do, but i can't find it online and i'm too poor to buy the book. i might be getting my first zero on an in class writing tomorrow.

i hate homework.

drowned rat sarah

the "delta phi delta artist sarah kellogg award for 2004"

that was my formal award, from nicole soboleski. i enjoy it, and it is hanging on my closet door.

i have to wonder (again), after last night, why i did this to myself. join a social group, i mean. so someone makes decisions that aren't necessarily the best thing they could have done. well, so what. it didn't hurt anyone, and it didn't even have anything to do with anyone else in the group. there is no reason whatsoever to demean and say things about the person to them. none whatsoever. and it's frustrating, then, to other people in the group, because then we have to deal with it when really, we should be spending our time supporting the person after they make a decision they might regret instead of having to support them when they are feeling attacked on top of it. if that makes any sense. and then, of course, it just leaves a lot of people feeling like they aren't having a good time.

but i'm not sure how much of a great time i would have had anyway, just because i'm sick. i couldn't really drink, and the hotel people were patrolling the hallways like hawks because of the noise, and then i was actually having a fun conversation with someone when another person intruded, causing me to become annoyed and frustrated and leave.

but i did talk to someone i've known since first block freshman year, and he told me that he had a crush on me and would have asked me out, except that some *other* person beat him to it. i was definitely flattered, and considering the two people, wish that he had because this other person...yeah...

anyway, i'm still really tired. michelle gave me an extension on the paper and as a result slept all afternoon instead of working on it. i also finished angels and demons today, which i didn't think was as good as the da vinci code but a good read, nonetheless. i procrastinate too much.

i have mono

the doctors must have called ebersole, because i got an email from jill telling me they informed her. oops. so i guess the fatigue isn't anemia after all...i was hoping.

i'm still going to formal, though.

a little bit of fun

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

i don't have a paper or anything to be working on.

i feel as if i have somehow degraded myself by posting this on my blog, but i love the movie so much i suppose it makes some sense, hehe!

my show is over?!?

that's pretty crazy. i took pictures of the setup, but i can't find the thingy to upload them to my computer.

another picture from england. i have more that i just got developed, but i have not scanned them yet. there are some amazing ones from the chinese new years at trafalgar square.

i'm staying in the romantics. couldn't find doug to ask him if i could switch. but michelle was back today, and it was somewhat better, plus we're done with frankenstein so i might be okay. but now i have to do the reading and i don't know where lauren is. not that i really want to do the reading. or write that paper that is due 6am on saturday.

if you think i'm hot, you should see my sisters!

i'm so bad, i've been forgetting to take my vitamins for a really long time (not "forgetting", forgetting for real) and so maybe that's why i'm still so tired.

i had my oral defense today. it went...okay, i guess. i had a really difficult time verbalizing my thoughts, and i got confused a few times as to what they were trying to ask me, so i looked pretty stupid. hopefully i redeemed myself though with my reason as to why i centered the prints in the mat, instead of donig the same distance for top and sides thing. (because the prints are different sizes, and this way they would be lined up on the wall as prints and as frames. i do think about these things once in awhile!)

but i really do not want to take the romantics anymore. i really wish i was in sculpture. i was going to ask doug if i could switch into his class, but i lost him after the defense so i'm going to call him in the morning. it's not that i don't like michelle, or the romantics, but i feel like it's an extension of survey II and plus, i really just want to get my hands dirty. clearly, i've been trying to talk myself out of it and taking a class that's a bit more cerebral, but i like art way too much!

more pictures of england:

first day of the block blues.

i'm finding it very hard to want to be in the romantics, when i've always wanted to take a class with doug and this is my last opportunity to do so. of course, it's my own fault in the first place because i dropped ceramics a couple of times and such, but still. and i am not overly excited about sculpture, i took it in high school and i sucked at it, but it would be fun. at the same time, i know if i drop the romantics i will kick myself for not taking more english classes than the minimum requirement that is if i can even drop this class. and if i drop, i will kick myself for not taking enough "intellectual" classes. not that art isn't intellectual by any means, it certainly is, but it doesn't require the same amount of reading and writing of papers and that sort of thing.

i think that mostly i a) don't want to be in a "real" class and b) am not the world's biggest fan of frankenstein and don't want to read it again. i should resign myself to the fact that i can't take two classes at once, as much as i would like to do just that.

...and stuff

laura and i were talking about how to move to england today. i think that would be the coolest thing in the world and would love to live there. however, i'm not entirely sure how to go about the whole job bit. like, how to get one.

not that i'm sure how to get one here, either.

my grandparents came today. they wanted to see my show, but my grandad was at an elderhostel in wisconsin about writing. so they came over today, and took me out to lunch at the lincoln. they really liked my show, and like everyone else, they had tips on what i should do and how to do things and stuff regarding continuing photography. but they are the coolest grandparents ever, and i'm glad that they came and stuff.

now i'm just getting lazy!

i don't particularly care for the idea of getting up to go to class tomorrow.

no news is not necessarily good news. it might be boring.

i was just reminded a few minutes ago why i sometimes stop speaking to people.

the only accomplishment i've had for today was (finally) making sure my cd burner actually works by burning david byrne's look into the eyeball and the new amsterdam's never you mind off of my computer.

i would really like some new music, but i can't afford it and my sister doesn't seem to keen on me borrowing her cds.

bad things come in threes

this could refer to any number of things, including trying to cook lunch today which resulted in 1) a burned finger 2) pasta sauce on my jeans and 3) pasta sauce on my shirt or it could refer to the set of three self-portraits i tried to take in vegas. i printed the best of the three today, but it might have to go into a camp fire or something sometime soon. since i took them with the camera sitting on a lounge chair, though, most of what you can see is a double chin although in the one i did print i just look incredibly confused.

actually, i probably look like that a lot so it might be a fairly accurate self-portrait.